Disciplines for Life/Meditation: Not Just for Gurus

From Gospel Translations

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All couples fight. Styles of conflict may differ, but friction is inevitable. This is true for any two people who relate closely, be they roommates, co-workers, siblings, or lab partners. But because marriage is such an intimate relationship, fights between spouses are some of the most intense.

Nancy and I found this out soon after we married. She was used to cold warfare, I to Churchillian debates on the floor of Parliament. When conflict arose she withdrew behind a Berlin Wall of silence while I launched into emotional debate. She became intimidated. I got frustrated. The conflicts got worse.

So we talked about it, just the two of us, and we looked into the Bible to get some wisdom. We began to realize that our styles of handling conflict reflected worldly pat- terns of living that needed to change. We asked ourselves these questions: What does it mean for a husband to love his wife in the midst of a fight? What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband when she’d rather catch the first plane out of town? What does it mean to “not let the sun go down on your anger”? How is it that “a soft answer turns away wrath”? We prayed together about these issues and asked God to help us apply the Bible’s principles. We also asked him to help us resolve conflicts more quickly and learn something productive from each one.

In effect, what we did was practice the spiritual discipline of meditating on God’s Word with the purpose of changing our thinking...and our lives.

“Stop allowing yourself to be molded by means of the spirit of this world, but continue to be transformed in your soul by renewing your mind,” Paul told the Romans.^[2] In our marital conflicts, my mind had been molded to fight in a selfish, aggressive way that hurt Nancy and damaged our relationship. How did this happen? The “spirit of this world” used past examples and experiences to get me to believe this was the way to fight. My mind had adopted manipulative methods rather than the Bible’s clear command to be “gentle, not quarrelsome” (1Ti 3:3). Though I was certainly out of line, my behavior was not unique. Often our thinking conforms to the world’s pattern and we’re not even aware of it.

When the Spirit shed light on my failure to communicate lovingly with Nancy, I then became responsible for reprogramming my thoughts. That’s the partnership Paul describes in Romans 12: God reveals, but we must renew. Insight and power for change come from the Holy Spirit, but the initiative must come from us. For me, that meant imitating a different mode of behavior when I disagreed with Nancy. It required making a conscious effort to speak softly to her. I had to make understanding a higher priority than self-expression. Sometimes I fail and revisit my old pressuring ways. But thanks to her patience and my practice, this is no longer a problem in our marriage.

What areas of your life have been shaped by the world’s mold instead of God’s mold? Is there some habit of your flesh that sin has deeply ingrained in your soul? Do you struggle with an enslaving habit, self-pity, uncontrolled anger?

Your Father in heaven knows your symptoms. He also knows the cure: renewing your mind through meditation. Each day, as the Spirit reveals through Scripture where change is required, you can mentally discard wrong pat- terns of thinking and mentally acquire righteous patterns. Not only will you be shutting out the darkness, but you will be turning on the light: “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2Co 3:18).

A Bad First Impression

What do you think when you hear the word “medita- tion”? Many imagine someone with a name like Maharishi sitting cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed, chanting a meaningless word over and over until he experiences cosmic revelation. It’s no wonder we’re a little hesitant when it comes to practicing biblical meditation.

Eastern religions and Christianity approach meditation very differently. In his book Song of Ascents, E. Stanley Jones quotes a famous swami in India who taught his dis- ciples, “Kill the mind and then, and then only, can you meditate.” It’s different for Christians. Instead of empty- ing our minds, we seek to fill them with God’s truth. Instead of listening to nothing, we’re listening to God to see what he wants to say. Biblical meditation involves looking at the Word, comparing it to our lives and to the world we live in, and then responding with concrete changes.

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