How Can I Change?/Tools of the Trade (II)

From Gospel Translations

Self-Denial and a Life of Discipleship

A few years ago Fritos introduced an extremely hot Jalapeno chip. I tried to conceal my pleasure that, since the kids couldn’t stand them, I wouldn’t have to share.

At the store my children would ask, “Hey, Dad, why are we getting that kind? We don’t like them!” I know, thought I. That is precisely the point.

Within months, Fritos discontinued that flavor...no doubt on orders from above.

The famous Chinese Christian leader Watchman Nee once wrote, “Let us remember that the one reason for all misunderstanding, all fretfulness, all discontent, is that we secretly love ourselves.”^[1] I can only add that with some of us, it’s no secret. We may attempt to hide our selfish- ness, but it inevitably bubbles up to the surface. Far better to heed Jesus’ call and address this self-love directly.

Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” (Lk 9:23-24)

Each day in Christ’s school of discipleship holds fresh opportunity for self-denial. Why is this much-forgotten key to the Christian life so important? Because it overcomes selfishness, making it possible for us to love God and others.

One arena in which selfishness gets exposed pretty quickly is marriage. I have often said to my wife (only half facetiously), “Honey, it’s not that I don’t love you. My problem is that I just love myself more.” Fortunately, God provides us with a cus- tom-fitted cross for the removal of such attitudes.

Don’t be fooled by the psychobabble that teaches we must first learn to love ourselves in order to become whole. Nowhere in Scripture are we commanded to love ourselves. We love ourselves too much as it is. In fact, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt in almost every possible instance. We blame conflicts on others while flat- tering ourselves for having noble intentions. If we only extended to others the same grace we grant ourselves...what a wonderful world it would be.

When Jesus said one of the requirements for eternal life was to “love your neighbor as yourself,” he was not suggesting that self-love was in any way deficient. Rather, he was saying “love your neighbor as you (already) love yourself”—and that’s a whole lot of loving. But it will not come naturally. It may be one of the most unnatural things you ever do. Loving others comes only as we practice self- denial along the pathway of discipleship.

Self-denial and love intersect at the point of serving. Jesus gave us the supreme example by going to the cross on our behalf. That was the ultimate act of selfless service. But all during his life he put the needs and welfare of oth- ers before his own. Whether washing his disciples’ feet or feeding hungry multitudes, our Lord led by example. In Philippians 2, Paul could point to Jesus’ serving, self-denying attitude as one all Christians should emulate.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant.... (Php 2:4-7)

Another book in this series, Disciplines for Life, discusses in detail the vari- ous biblical ways we may practice a life of discipleship. Spiritual exercises such as fasting, consistent prayer, and confession require effort. But they are well worth it, promising rewards now and in the life to come.

Trials Along the Way

It was one of Job’s counselors who accurately surmised, “Man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7). That’s been our lot ever since the Fall. Many of those difficulties, of course, result from our own sin and foolishness. On more than one occasion I’ve traced a headache to tension caused by my own stubborn persis- tence in worry. When Clara and I experience friction in our marriage, more likely than not my selfishness is to blame. We shouldn’t be surprised when we suffer the con- sequences of our sinful behavior. However, the Lord can graciously use even these for our growth in godliness if we will repent and seek to learn from them.

But what about those trials—those Joseph scenarios— for which we are not responsible? It’s unlikely we’ll be sold into slavery by our family members, but there are times when others sin against us, or when we suffer afflic- tions just because we live in a fallen world.

Joseph saw the big picture. He recognized his eternal destiny and the destinies of those around him. Conse- quently, he was able to appreciate the way God sovereignly directed his life’s circumstances. As he told his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Ge 50:20).

When things seem to go against us, we must realize our Father has a purpose in mind and is primarily interested in our response. As a matter of fact, it’s not too much to say God engineers difficulties in order to urge us onward in dependent trust upon him:

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his com- mands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. (Dt 8:2-3)

Who humbled and tested the Israelites, bringing them to a place of hunger? Was it Satan? No—it was God. Why? So they would know how much they needed an ongoing, vital relationship with him. Pause a moment to let this sink in: God is prepared to sacrifice your short-term happiness in order to achieve his eternal and gracious purpose in you. As a genuine Christian, you “must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God” (Ac 14:22). Don’t confuse your Father’s loving discipline for cruelty or neglect.

Joseph learned what we all must learn: “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Ro 8:28). Not some things, or even most things. All things. Even in cases of rape or childhood sexual abuse or birth defects or terminal ill- ness, the sovereign God always has a redemptive plan that will lead to his greater glory.

To understand Paul’s statement here, we must focus on God’s agenda, not our own. His purpose is that we be conformed to the image of his Son. Thus, hardships or injustices—though not seemingly favorable to us—qualify as “good” because they serve to make us more like Christ.

This is not easy to accept or understand. I wouldn’t fault you for asking, “But how can Paul claim that all things work together for my good? I see many things working for me, but many others that seem to be working against me.” Let me try to answer that with an illustration.

Before the advent of digital timepieces, a watch’s inner workings consisted of a number of cogs, some turning in a clockwise direction and others counter-clockwise. At first glance it might seem unlikely that anything useful could result from such an arrangement. But when the mainspring was wound, though the wheels turned in opposite directions, they all worked together to move the hands of the watch forward.

So it is with God’s providential ordering of the universe ...and of our lives.^[5] We need to realize God is so interested in our spiritual growth (sanctification) that he is willing to sacrifice our temporal happiness to secure eternal blessings for us.