Why Small Groups?/Fellowship Rediscovered
From Gospel Translations
Contents |
Chapter Two: Fellowship Rediscovered
John Loftness
<< 1. Before you read further, write a definition of biblical fellowship in the space below using your own words.>>
In the heart of Charleston, South Carolina stands an old church building. Bright stained glass offsets the solemnity of heavy red brick. Inside, pictures of Jesus and other biblical figures etched in glass filter the light of the worship place. A handcarved altar piece reaches to the vaulted ceiling. Someone gave great attention to detail in designing and building this house of worship. Above the entrance, inlaid in the brick, is a cross—the symbol and heart of Christendom for 2,000 years. But times have changed, and the need for a house of worship has been replaced in Charleston’s tourist district by the need for prime restaurant space. So today the former Church of the Redeemer has been
transformed into the Mesa Grill. The church’s name, carved in a marble placard at the sidewalk entrance, looks as if someone has tried to sand-blast it away. In the glass case that once announced activities and the weekly sermon, there now hangs today’s menu. Where hardwood pews once filled the worship space, upholstered booths sit among potted plants. Rock music pulsates through the atmosphere; Sting has replaced Handel as nachos have replaced communion bread. None of the patrons seem particularly aware of the incongruity of the place.
Rediscovering Biblical Fellowship
As the title of this chapter announces, this is an essay about fellowship, and the Mesa Grill is an apt metaphor for what has happened to the practice of Christian relationship in the church today. We’ve kept the term and turned it into something that doesn’t even vaguely represent what it means to the one who defined it. Fellowship is like that old church building. People have started using the term to describe ways of relating never intended for this precious communion of the saints. And because God created the practice, we’d better make sure we use it in the way he designed it–because God isn’t putting fellowship up for sale. Remember what happened when Jesus found the Temple being used as a place to turn a profit?
What fellowship is not. In its neglect, Christians have redefined fellowship to mean any warm human interchange— especially when we make connection with someone and discover that we have common interests, experiences, or viewpoints. I enjoy the outdoors. Hiking, canoeing, and fishing are among my favorite leisure activities. When I meet someone who knows the joys of the Rose River Trail in Shenandoah National Park, or has canoed the rapids of the lower Youghegheny River, or thrills at the first yank of the line signaling the strike of a smallmouth bass, our conversation is inevitably animated and friendly. But it is not fellowship. If I spend time with a brother in Christ playing volleyball, talking about shared political views, or following the ups and downs of an NFL franchise, we may have a wonderful
time and deepen a friendship. But in none of those things will we have had fellowship. Let me press the point further. Fellowship is not (at
least not necessarily) going to a Bible study with someone, or sharing doctrinal commitments, or attending a Christian men’s rally where emotions run deep and passions are high. Fellowship is not found in a “group therapy” session where participants reveal their darkest thoughts—even if everyone in the group is a Christian and brings a Bible. In fact, two Christians can be married to one another and still not
experience fellowship. I have heard Christians complain that their relationships seem superficial and they don’t know why. What they often fail to see is that, while all Christians have relationships, not all relationships include fellowship. In fellowship, God offers us a precious but neglected gift—a type of human relationship created exclusively for his children. If God thinks it’s that important, we had better find out
what it is.
For Further Study:
Even if you have neglected biblical fellowship, God can restore what you have lost—a principal seen in Joel 2:25.
What fellowship is.Fellowship is a uniquely Christian relational experience. No one but those born of the Spirit of God can have fellowship—which makes its neglect all the more tragic. The word “fellowship,” as it is found in the English Bible, is a translation of the Greek word koinonia. Saying the word aloud brings to mind our word “community,” and so it should, for koinonia is its root. But sadly, politicians and sociologists have effectively redefined “community” to mean “special-interest group,” so we need additional words to get at its meaning. Here the Revised Standard Version of the Scriptures can help. It translates koinonia as “fellowship,” but also as “participation,”
and “sharing” (in the following verses, these words are italicized for emphasis). And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching
and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers (Ac 2:42). So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any incentive of love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy... (Php 2:1). ...and I pray that the sharing of your faith may promote the knowledge of all the good that is ours in Christ (Phm 1:6). What is fellowship as defined in the New Testament? Just this: participating together in the life
and truth made possible by the Holy Spirit through our union with Christ. Fellowship is sharing something in common on the deepest possible level of human relationship— our experience of God himself. Participating together... life and truth...sharing in common...human relationship...experience of God—these phrases capture the essence of the unique Christian experience of fellowship. Opportunities to fall in love, get married, procreate, pursue a career, go bungee jumping, play baseball, or go to school are all open to humanity in general.
But only Christians can experience fellowship. For this reason alone, this unique quality of Christian existence should be exceedingly precious to us. We should eagerly explore its meaning so that we can fully mine its treasure. My sincere hope is that this chapter will compel you to seek a deeper experience of fellowship.
MEMORABLE MOMENTS IN SMALL-GROUP HISTORY
A last-minute phone call informed me our musician couldn’t attend the small-group meeting that evening. I grabbed a CD of worship songs as we went out the door to go to the meeting. When I put on the CD, soft music drew some people directly into worship. Their eyes closed, they lifted their hands, expressing tender love toward God. Others, however, were breaking into fits of laughter. I thought the Holy Spirit had fallen on the group. But the musical interlude was way too long. It suddenly dawned on me that at home we’d mixed up our CDs and cases, and that for the past few minutes some of us had been worshiping to John Tesh Live At Red Rocks.
— Mario Stemberger (Holly Hill, FL)
Start with God
Fellowship with God is the prerequisite to fellowship with others. This is the explicit message of John in his first biblical letter:
We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so
that you also may have fellowship with us. And our
fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus
Christ....If we claim to have fellowship with him yet
walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the
truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the
light, we have fellowship with one another, and the
blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin
(1Jn 1:3, 6-7).
The flow of John’s argument may not be as straightforward as modern readers prefer, but his logic is clear. John and his fellow teachers ( the “we” of the passage) have come to know truth through the life and teaching of Jesus. This has allowed them to have fellowship with God the Father and with the ascended Christ. This fellowship exists not only with God but between and among those who “live by the truth.” Sin
(“walking in darkness”) not only pollutes our fellowship with God but hinders our fellowship with one another. “Walking in the light”—obeying God’s word and confessing our sins when we disobey—should result in fellowship. In short, fellowship with others begins with an honest,
open, obedient relationship with God rooted in the truth of his Word.
"Fellowship is a sharing with our fellow-
believers the things that God has made
known to us about himself, in hope that we
may thus help them to know him better and
so enrich their fellowship with him.
...Fellowship is, secondly, a seeking to
share what God has make known of himself
to others, as a means to finding
strength, refreshment, and instruction for
one’s own soul."
— J.I. Packer
For Further Study:
Read Psalm 15:1-2; 51:6. How important are honesty and truthfulness to maintaining a right relationship with God?
How we share that relationship with others—how we wrestle with understanding truth and struggle to apply it to our lives—is the essence of fellowship. Thus, fellowship has one source and two channels. The one source is God. The two channels—both to be understood in the light of Scripture—are the work of the Spirit directly in our hearts, and the work of the Spirit through other believers. Some, upon hearing this, might be tempted to get off the bus that takes them to fellowship. Relationships, even between believers, come packaged with problems. To pursue relationships is to open ourselves to hurt, misunderstanding, and inconvenience, for our relationships are inevitably influenced by our sin. You may think fellowship with God is all you need. After all, doesn’t the Bible teach that God and his Word are sufficient for all our needs pertaining to life and godliness? Yes, it does. But the error comes in limiting the means God uses to help us apply truth to our lives. Only the Spirit can illuminate Scripture to our minds and give us the power to obey it. Yet the Spirit often chooses to employ other people as a means of communicating his truth to our ears and heart. Who are we to argue with him? He will of course use teachers of the word through sermons, books, and tapes. But he will also use the regular guy in your small group—and there’s the rub. We can ignore teachers, close books, and turn off tapes. When we do pay attention, we can conveniently misapply teachings. But the people closest to us, if they’re doing their job in fellowship, are not likely to let us ignore God’s urgings so easily. We’re like the Israelites trudging through the wilderness, like the disciples huddled in the upper room after Jesus’ ascension, like the pilgrims on the Mayflower. The negative view is that we’re stuck with one another—confined by a desert, a hostile Jerusalem, or a stormy sea. But “stuck” is not the biblical attitude. Rather, we belong to one another. We are pilgrims on our way to the promised land, called to help one another along on the journey. God has chosen fellowship to be a primary channel of life in his body.
Meditate on Romans 12:5.
What does it mean to belong to one another?
<<2. Have you used any of these common techniques to try to “turn off” God’s voice?
o The Technical Foul: Presuming that God will never speak to you through anyone who is not at a specific level of maturity and holiness.
o The World’s Oldest Excuse (see Genesis 3:11-13): Presuming that, if several people are involved in some sin, then what you did is somehow less serious than if you had acted alone.
o The Jonah Method: Running away from God’s direction in your life because you think you might not like
the outcome.
o The Peter Problem (see Mark 14:27- 31,66-72): Placing more faith in what you say about your strengths than in what God says about your weaknesses.
The Means of Fellowship
Ever heard the phrase “a means of grace”? In theology, it refers to things we can do—such as pray or meditate on Scripture—to put ourselves in a position to receive something from God. Fellowship is a means of grace, too. It’s a way of getting to a place where God will meet us. So the next question is: what are the means of fellowship? What can we do to posture ourselves to experience fellowship? The list is long. Worship God together. Worship is a means of experiencing fellowship with God through meditating upon and declaring truth about him, giving thanks to him, and receiving a sense of his presence. As we noted earlier from Scripture, fellowship with God—including worship— opens us to fellowship with one another. Pray for one another, especially regarding the things that burden us and how God is at work in our lives. Praying together is about as close as we can get to experiencing someone else’s fellowship with God and knowing the qualities of his relationship with his Lord. Utilize our spiritual gifts to help others grow in God. If fellowship is participating together in the Spirit, what more obvious participation can there be than to serve one another through those grace-gifts empowered by the Spirit? Carry one another’s burdens. Paul puts it this way: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:1-2).
We all have burdens and—as I once heard my pastor, C.J. Mahaney, say—we have a responsibility to communicate those burdens without requiring anyone to receive divine revelation in order to know what they are. But this process does not have to be difficult.
"Those first Christians of Acts 2 were
not devoting themselves to social activities
but to a relationship—a relationship that
consisted of sharing together the very life
of God through the indwelling of the Holy
Spirit. They understood that they had
entered this relationship by faith in Jesus
Christ, not by joining an organization. And
they realized that their fellowship with God
logically brought them into fellowship with
one another. Through their union with
Christ they were formed into a spiritually
organic community…. We must grasp the
idea that fellowship means belonging to
one another in the Body of Christ, along
with all the privileges and responsibilities
that such a relationship entails."
— Jerry Bridges
One day I was sitting in a church office as four of us on staff concluded a business meeting. As we got up to leave, I simply said, “I need to let you guys know what is going on in my heart.” That’s all it took to get the process underway. Less than a month earlier we had buried an eight-yearold boy who had died of cancer. Matt had been more than a church member; he was a friend to me and my family. I had been feeling a heaviness—a sadness—since then, and I wasn’t sure its source was pure, or that I was handling it correctly. Though it seems obvious now, I couldn’t tell what was going on in my heart. My friends listened quietly as I groped to explain myself. But they didn’t just comfort me. They asked probing questions surrounding issues of self-pity, worry, and a prideful sense of responsibility. It took courage to ask such questions of someone struggling with the sadness I faced, but those questions needed asking, and I didn’t know enough at the time to ask them of myself. When my friends were done, I knew someone understood me—and not just in an emotional sense. They had helped me explore my soul. Their counsel? Watch out for certain temptations, but mainly, you’re grieving, John. The sadness y o u feel is a normal part of the painful losses we experience in life.
HOUSE RULES FOR GOD’S FAMILY
1. Be at peace with each other (Mk 9:50)
2. Love one another (Jn 13:34)
3. Be joined to one another (Ro 12:5)
4. Be devoted to one another (Ro 12:10)
5. Honor one another (Ro 12:10)
6. Rejoice with one another (Ro 12:15)
7. Weep with one another (Ro 12:15)
8. Live in harmony with one another (Ro 12:16)
9. Accept one another (Ro 15:7)
10. Counsel one another (Ro 15:14)
11. Greet one another (Ro 16:16)
12. Agree with each other (1 Co 1:10)
13. Wait for one another (1Co 11:33)
14. Care for one another (1Co 12:25)
15. Serve one another (Gal 5:13)
16. Carry one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2)
17. Be kind to one another (Eph 4:32)
18. Forgive one another (Eph 4:32)
19. Submit to one another (Eph 5:21)
20. Bear with one another (Col 3:13)
21. Teach, admonish each other (Col 3:16)
22. Encourage one another (1Th 5:11)
23. Build up one another (1Th 5:11)
24. Spur one another on (Heb 10:24)
25. Offer hospitality to one another (1Pe 4:9)
26. Minister gifts to one another (1Pe 4:10)
27. Be humble toward one another (1Pe 5:5)
28. Confess your sins to one another (Jas 5:16)
29. Pray for one another (Jas 5:16)
30. Fellowship with one another (1Jn 1:7)
Did my sadness leave on that day? Did I walk out of that office on clouds of joy? No. But three other men were now carrying my burden, and I left with a much lighter load. We need to communicate the burdens of our trials. Not just the external challenges of losing a job or enduring an illness, but the inner conflicts as well. We also need to communicate the burdens of our fears, which are often embarrassing but can rule our souls. What a tragedy when the burdens of Christians weigh them down because they neglected to receive help through fellowship!Share about our spiritual experiences.Since she was in high school my wife Nancy has kept a journal of her times alone seeking God. It’s not unusual for her to read to me from it, and I share the same sorts of things with her. It often just takes five minutes, bu it’s rich fellowship just the same.Confess our sins to one another—before someone comes to confront us. This obvious source of help in conquering sin is often neglected because of our foolish pride. “Therefore confess your sins to one another,” James writes, “and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (Jas 5:16). Correct one anotherwhen we see someone has failed to recognize and take responsibility for his sins. Paul writes that when we see a brother caught in a sin, we should point it out to him to help promote his restoration (Gal 6:1). As uncomfortable as this is, it is fellowship. And if we are at first unsuccessful in winning the errant brother, Jesus teaches us to widen the circle of fellowship to ensure the correction is accurate and the brother receives every chance to be won (Mt 18:15ff). Correction (see Chapter Five) is one of the more challenging aspects of fellowship because it often entails disagreement and conflict. Moreover, the one bringing correction may end up having his own motives evaluated— and found wanting Yet without this dynamic of fellowship, we wall up portions of our lives, blocking us from other opportunities for fellowship. Serve one another in practical ways. Effective serving requires knowing another’s needs. Discovering these needs is often the product of fellowship. Imagine that a couple in your group reveals that they are experiencing unusual conflict due to neglect of their marriage. Fellowship may mean taking their children for a weekend so the parents can get away and work on righting the wrongs of their relationship.
For Further Study:
Read Job 2:11-13. When we try to counsel or comfort someone, is it always best to get right to the point?
We must, however, beware of thinking that the mere act of doing of any of these things will automatically produce fellowship. Remember, these are “means of fellowship.” They simply put you in a place where fellowship becomes possible, not certain. True fellowship is a work of the Spirit by grace. And as with the Tango: it takes two to fellowship, and not everyone wants to dance. Still, failure to practice these means of fellowship denies us the opportunity to draw on fellowship as a means of grace.
LIVING IT OUT, TOGETHER
A Testimony
When we first came to this church, we
noticed how open the pastors were about
their lives. We began visiting a small group
and discovered that the leaders, Tom and
Julie, were equally honest. So were the
group members. In a discussion about suffering
and God’s sovereignty, we learned of
the death of one couple’s son. Bruce and I
had been taught to ask God to supply our
needs, but we had never heard how “suffering”
fit into the Christian life. We were seeing
biblical truth applied in people’s lives,
and we hungered for more.
Another time, I was struck by the humble
way Julie asked the group for prayer
about her struggles in a specific area.
The humility of the group members helps
us receive their observations about our
shortcomings. When Julie (privately and
graciously) told me my older daughter had
been disrespectful to her, I was embarrassed.
Then Bruce and I realized the Lord
was revealing an area where we had
slacked off, so we became more consistent
in training and disciplining our children.
Our group’s humility, desire to change,
and sincere willingness to help enable us
to let down our guard and to share our
needs, hurts, desires, and sins. Recently,
due to financial and time pressures on top
of a rough day of homeschooling, I called
Julie in tears. She was so encouraging!
Before coming to this church, I wouldn’t
have had the courage to ask a fellow
church member for prayer and help in the
middle of a difficult time!
We’ve learned that we cannot grow in
the Lord without a strong church and strong
Christian friends. When God’s truth is
revealed, we need flesh-and-blood people
applying it and living it out with us!
— Laura Grabow (Darnestown, MD )
Hindrances to Fellowship
In an essay on fellowship J.I. Packer identifies four hindrances to enjoying this particular dynamic of life in the Spirit: self-sufficiency, formality, bitterness, and elitism.3 Self-sufficiency. This sin announces to God and others that we are adequate in ourselves. It reveals itself in a lack of prayer (demonstrating our delusion that we don’t need God) and a lack of fellowship (demonstrating our delusion that we don’t need each other). For the past 30 years Christians have been fascinated by 1 Corinthians 12 and the other New Testament passages abou spiritual gifts. Often, the underlying question has been, “What are my gifts?” If our concern is
for serving, this is a good question. But taking a broader
view of the chapter reveals another issue: We need each
other, for different people have different gifts. To say that
we can become who God wants us to be without benefit of
fellowship is as inaccurate as saying that a body can be
fully functional without eyes or hands or ears.
In our self-sufficiency we tend to ignore fellowship—
only to discover our need for it when we hit a crisis. Then
we scramble to build relationships just when we have the
least time for them, and when people—for good reason,
given our history—have concluded we have no interest in
fellowship.
