Why Small Groups?/Take This Group and Own It!
From Gospel Translations
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The Plymouth minivan looked as if it had been owned and operated by a second-rate day care center. There were footprints on the vinyl and nose prints on the windows. Cracker crumbs littered the floor. Acorns, rocks, chewing-gum wrappers, and other collector’s items filled the cup holders. In the cracks between the seats I found a wide assortment of archeological remains. And judging by the smell, the windows had been left down during a series of heavy thunderstorms.
It was a well-used vehicle.
The Lincoln, on the other hand, appeared to have rolled off the assembly line moments before I got behind the wheel. The floor mats were not sticky with spilled soda. The rearview mirror had not been knocked off and reattached three times. The carpet didn’t ooze with some unidentifiable engine fluid. The odometer had not broken a thousand, much less a hundred thousand. And the smell—is it only guys who notice?—the smell of that new leather interior, untainted by rotten bananas and car sick-ness and all the other fragrances of a family van.
It was a beautiful car...but it was a rental car, and I treated it that way. I filled it up with low-grade gas. I accelerated fast and braked hard. I didn’t wash it, vacuum it, or change the oil. And by the time I returned it to the rental lot, those pristine floor mats were thick with dirt and sand.
My Plymouth Voyager isn’t much to look at, but it’s mine. (And it’s paid for!) I wash it, change the oil, check the tire pressure, and vacuum it out when the cracker crumbs get too deep. This morning I dropped it off at the body shop, hoping the skilled staff at Paintmasters can unbend a fender that just got smashed. My vehicle looks worse than ever, but it’s mine. The rental car wasn’t. And that explains why I treat an aging minivan better than I treated that mint-condition Lincoln Continental.
The issue is ownership. Not only does ownership affect the way we care for our cars and homes and lawns, but it determines how much—or how little—we invest in our small groups.
Do you think of your group as your group?
Do you own your group and its vision?
Or do you simply rent a chair on Thursday evenings?
As a group leader, I usually don’t have to think about these questions. Of course I’m an owner. I’m supposed to lead by example in worship, in prayer, in discussion, and in fellowship. If I simply show up and smile, there’s a good chance the meeting will be a flop. (Though God is gracious enough to spare even the most incompetent leader!)
Recently, though, my friend Jim has been leading our discussions. This has given him a great opportunity to grow in leadership...and given me a great opportunity to fine-tune my laziness. Suddenly it doesn’t seem so essential that I study the book in advance. The pressure isn’t on me to think up questions that will help others apply what we are learning. During this season, Jim is the one having to discern where the Spirit is leading our discussion—not I. So guess who has tried skimming the material 30 minutes before the meeting? That’s right. As a result, I not only neglect to feed my own soul, but I lower the quality of my contributions to group discussion.
If you see yourself as an owner of your group, you will take the assignments seriously. You will show up on time. You will work to make the group a success. But if you’re only renting space you won’t be motivated to invest yourself. You may go along for the ride, but when the group hits a pothole or some maintenance is required, you may choose to look for a new group rather than get under the hood and help make repairs.A Testimony
When my husband Scott and I attended our first small-group meeting five years ago, the leader asked each person to express thankfulness for something. When I had to speak, I asked everyone to please look at the curtains instead of at me. I kept attending but I usually kept quiet, especially if there were people I didn’t know. I thought my lack of participation was due to “insecurity.” (I now know the biblical definition is “fear of man,” which is sin.) Last Thursday there were more than a dozen at our women’s meeting, including several I didn’t know well. And I thought, “I’m not afraid to speak any more!” I’ve thoroughly changed. I believe I John 4:18 describes what I have experienced: “Perfect love drives out fear.” My fear was driven out by the love of the people in our group. We encourage one another. We serve each other in practical ways. Just last week, as I shared a trial my husband and I were going through, people cried with me and prayed for us. Recently, my pastor asked me to speak to the whole church about overcoming the fear of man. I told the people I was facing my fear even as I spoke to them—and that God has set me free! Later that afternoon, I went door-to-door in our neighborhood letting people know about an upcoming Christian event. I feel so free! I want to do this again!
— Lisa Adams (Indiana, PA)
Your group may not be a new Lincoln Continental. It may be an ’86 Ford Escort with bald tires and a leaky radiator. But it’s yours! And you’re responsible for taking care of it. Look closely at Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus: “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work”(Eph 4:16).
A small group doesn’t belong to the leader. It belongs to God—and to each member. Each member is an owner. Each member is equally responsible for insuring that the group glorifies God. And unless God calls you to a different group, you have the privilege of making this one run as well as it can.
Everybody Has a Job
My next-door neighbor has the nicest lawn on our street. He has owned his property for over 30 years, and now that he’s retired, he spends a lot of his time making it beautiful. The guy who lives across the street, however, is a different story. When his wife’s car is blocking the driveway, he simply drives his truck across the yard. The big ruts in the lawn don’t bother him. Why? Because he’s a renter and knows he’ll eventually be moving out. Someone else will have the responsibility of re-seeding the lawn. It’s not his job.
In a small group, everybody has a job. That’s why the pastors in my church have written a “Small-Group Member Job Description” (see page 37). It explains what is expected of each member. As you read, notice that it assumes a high degree of ownership.Did you realize your job was so big? It’s critical! “No member of the church should be isolated or uninvolved,” writes Brent Detwiler. “Only through your enthusiastic involvement will the church be able to do everything God has called you to.”
What Makes a Group Successful?
Suppose R.C. Sproul taught your small group, Larnelle Harris led worship, Billy Graham oversaw evangelistic out- reach, and Mother Teresa coordinated your service projects. Wouldn’t that be fantastic? Can you imagine the potential your group would have?
Actually, by my definition, the group would almost certainly fail. For in the shadow of such gifted leaders, you would be tempted to leave ministry to the “experts” and neglect your own responsibility. And small groups don’t succeed unless the entire group is working together.
It doesn’t take a highly gifted leader to build a great group. But it does take men and women who are devoted to applying Scripture, to practicing fellowship, to serving their church, and to sharing the Gospel.
Peter expresses the essence of Christian community— and of small groups—in these compelling verses:
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clearminded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1Pe 4:7-10)
For more than seven years I’ve enjoyed the privilege of leading a group who live by the principles in this passage. These men and women discipline themselves to pray. They love each other deeply. They freely extend hospitality. Best of all, they serve each other with the gifts and grace God has given them. Not perfectly, of course—we all have plenty of room to grow. But through their faithful and creative service in the church and community, they are bringing much praise to God.
Your small-group leader may never teach at the seminary level. Your worship leader probably won’t release his own CD anytime soon. But in God’s eyes, your group can be a total success...here’s how.
Hunger to know God. The single greatest contribution you can make to a group is your own passionate pursuit of God. This is true for two reasons.
As you diligently study God's Word, pray, worship, confess sin, witness to non-Christians, and cultivate the various expressions of a healthy Christian faith, your zeal will influence the entire group. Your passion will spur others on "toward love and good dees" (Heb. 10:24). Do you realize that your example can accomplish more than a month's worth of teaching and exhortations from the leader? You are the proof that a passionate life is possible...and not just for leaders.
Secondly, as you press in to a deeper knowledge of God, he will reveal himself to you. He will give you fresh insights about his fatherly love, or understanding of his holiness. But these aren’t just for your benefit. They are also for the group. As you mine the riches of God’s grace and kindness and share your discoveries with the group, you’ll find they are enriched as well.
Love the church. Sooner or later, your group leader (or another member) will do something you don’t like. Probably it will be minor—an unpleasant assignment or inconvenient request. But if it’s major, what’s going to keep you from seeking “greener pastures”?
Suppose your leader asks you to reach out to a new member of the group-someone from another culture with a thick accent and different customs. Suppose he challenges you to fast for a couple of days, or participate in a pro-life march, or spend a Saturday helping with a church service project. What if another member of the group confronts you (and not very tactfully) about that way your children behaved at the group picnic?
You will find it easier to respond if you genuinely love the church, its leaders, and the priority they place on small groups. Jesus gladly laid down his life for the church. To make your group a success, be prepared to lay down some things as well. It may be uncomfortable; it may force you to do something you've never done. But for the sake of Christ and his church, give it your best.
Understand your "job description." I think it's safe to speculate that most small-group members have clear expectations of their leader but vague (or nonexistent) expectations of themselves. They have never understood, or embraced, their role as co-owners in the group. As a result, the group never comes near its potential-even if it as an outstanding leader.
The sidebar on the next page lists the expectations my church has of small-group members. As you can see, it's quite specific-and quite challenging! Your church may not define small-group membership the way my church has, but this kind of “job description” is invaluable. Find out what your pastor expects of group members in your church, and then begin doing your job!
Assume your leader is not Sherlock Holmes. How I wish I had this venerable detective’s gift! It would serve me (and the group) so well if I could take one look at a couple and say, “Ah, yes...Marital Conflict #174—He thought he was serving the family by bringing home pizza (observe the sliver of pepperoni under his left thumbnail), and she broke down sobbing. Why? Note the calculator sticking out of her purse—she’s convinced he is wasting the family’s money and leading them straight into bankruptcy. Elementary, my dear Watson. Here’s all you need to do....”
Your leader would like this type of discernment, too, but I doubt he has it. Don’t make him guess how you’re doing, what you’re feeling, when you’re struggling. Please don’t doubt his concern just because he can’t read your mind. He wants to be involved, but he needs you to tell him when and how.
Sometimes you have to tell a leader twice...or more. If I kicked myself for every time I’ve failed to follow up when a group member asked for my input, I would be black and blue. When you’ve shared a need,and the leader has apparently forgotten all about it, don't retreat into a sinful shell of self-pity. Share it again. Muster up the courage to be vulnerable. God will give you grace as you humble yourself.
Share the bad stuff, too. One of the best ways to make
