Discerning Maturity in a Boyfriend Before Marriage

From Gospel Translations

Audio Transcript

We’re back with guest Francis Chan who joins us from San Francisco. Francis and his wife, Lisa, wrote a new book, You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity. … Francis, you have five daughters, so one day you’ll be dealing with suitors at the door, if not already. There seems to be a shortage of godly young men for a variety of reasons that probably include porn and video game addictions. On the Ask Pastor John podcast we get a steady stream of emails from young women who want to know: What should I expect to see in a young Christian man to signal that he’s ready for marriage? How would you answer them?

It is interesting. My daughter brought home a guy a few months ago from college and some of my friends asked her: Hey, how serious are you with him? And they tell me her answer was so weird. They said that her answer was: Uh, I just want to hang out with him long enough to see if God answers his prayers. I mean that is a weird answer, but in her mind that was her gauge. She lives with a dad or she spent these 18 years with a dad who prays to God and she would see how her dad knows God. God answers him when he prays. And so now that she is with this guy she wants to know: Do you really know him? Is it a true relationship with him? Because growing up she would see sometimes God would answer a prayer and I would point it out to her and I remember times I would sit her and her sister down and say, “Look, you guys, you see the way God answers mom and dad’s prayers and when it comes time for you to get married that is why I want you so badly to just be with a guy who knows and loves Jesus, because if you don’t, you are forfeiting all of this.”

And so in their mind it is really about this relationship and I guess her answer tells me that she feels you can tell a lot about a person by how he prays and whether or not God listens, because prayer is conditional. We see in Scripture God often hates our prayers and says: I am not listening to that. It is a bunch of noise to me if there is doubting or selfishness or unrepentance, insincerity. It is a lack of reverence. God wants to hear the prayers of those who love him and know him and are walking with him. And so for them, I think, that is the picture. I don’t want to get too much into specific actions, because that can be almost religious. It is more, gosh does he really know him? Does he really love Jesus and be truly known by him to where that prayer life is so deep and rich?